Ellen DeGeneres, the host of a TV talk show, just hit the headlines for pulling out a whole slew of gay TV stars. The twist: they’re all animated.
DeGeneres made the proclamation on a recent airing of her show, calling herself “the leading expert on gay” before embarking on her party outing. Apparently, HBO Max’s announcement that popular Scooby-Doo character Velma Dinkley would be getting her own spin-off sparked remarks, as the character has long been considered a lesbian icon.
“Internet users are wondering again if Velma is a lesbian,” said Ellen. “So here are my thoughts. First of all, he’s a cartoon character, so no one should really care about his sexuality. Second, just because she wears these clothes and has short hair doesn’t mean she’s a lesbian.
“And third, of course, she’s a lesbian,” Ellen admitted. “Come on. Velma, she’s part of our team. She does everything lesbians do. She has short hair. She has thick glasses. She solves the mysteries. She’s basically the Rachel Maddow of the cartoons.
“I heard she was trying to get the rest of the gang to trade in the Mystery Machine for the Subaru Outback,” she also added.
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It didn’t stop there. Ellen then embarked on a full roster of cartoon characters, which she all claimed to be gay.
“First there is Peppermint Patty [of Peanuts]Ellen continued. “Let’s look at the evidence here. She wears Birkenstocks. Her name is Patty. Her best friend calls her Sir, which is the abbreviation of Sir-erely gay.
“Another supposedly gay cartoon character is Spongebob Squarepants,” she continued. “Nickelodeon even tweeted a picture of SpongeBob SquarePants on release day, so they seem to support that theory. He spends a lot of time with his friend Patrick. He has a pet snail. I don’t know if it’s gay. It’s just like it is. I mean, who has a pet snail?
“A lot of people think Bugs Bunny is gay,” Ellen said. “But let’s be clear. Dressing in drag doesn’t make you gay. Bugs is just perverted. “
Ellen then confronted the long-held theory that Elsa from Frozen is a lesbian. “I don’t know why this rumor started in the first place,” Ellen admitted. “I guess as soon as a Disney princess doesn’t spend the whole movie chasing a man, it makes her gay.”
Amidst the audience’s laughter, Ellen then began to shoot quickly.
“Snagglepuss? Gay. Ursula? Gay. He-Man? Gay. Yogi and Boo-Boo? Gay. Wade? Gay. Four of the seven dwarfs? Gay. Jiminy Cricket? Gay. The Beauty and the Beast candlestick? French or gay, same thing.
I mean, we can’t disagree.