Michael Musto and Dina Martina in Ptown
The gay-laden Cape Cod destination of Provincetown was eager to get back to the abnormal, with a slew of kinks, chants and shticking, but the summer spike in covid cases (due to the Delta variant) threatened to make things more cautious than reckless.
The city enacted an indoor mask mandate on July 25 and things got more manageable, so my trip there uncovered a few highlights of the Dizzying Trail. For safety reasons, the drag stars weren’t on the streets peddling their shows as usual, nor did they make the usual encounters after their performances, but did the shows themselves. and that’s what matters!
DINA MARTIN
The surrealist Dina Martina is a jift for all those who appreciate the drag used as a vehicle for a first-rate subversive comedy.
In her ’emotionally distant’ but spiritually uplifting Chariots of Failure, poolside show at Crown & Anchor, Dina (creation of Seattle-based Grady West) stepped into a neck brace and crutches, explaining, ” I slipped on the cat food. And I don’t even have a cat. A girl must eat. Her gurgling renditions of “All Night Long” and “Takin ‘It To The Streets” (with vocoder effects) were quite uplifting, and her stories of friendship with Charo and falling in love with a Swedish skater cannot be. accurately described. by simple human language.
The vertiginous Dina will appear in an upcoming issue of Town & Country magazine, alongside one of their cover subjects, John Waters, a regular in Ptown. (I just had an orgasm typing this.) I’m also happy to report that Dina – who inventively used masks as toilet paper during the lockdown – received the Duncan Hines vaccine, although she did. also managed to get away with the Moderna shower and the Pfizer enema.
VARLA JEAN MERMAN
“Ptown’s favorite nonessential twerker,” Varla (aka Jeffery Roberson) is a longtime star with musical and comedic chops for days. Her Little Prick show, by the pool at Crown & Anchor, made her go in like a syringe (although for a second I thought she was the Tin Man, lol) and turn into an estate. equally glorious sets while serving pizazz show biz on the “upscale patio.” The pandemic was her (and Music Director Gerald Goode’s) focus as she sang, “2020 Made Us All Cry / We Were Locked Up Like Britney Spears” and turned an old disco song into a vaccination anthem called “Turn Your Butt Around “. Varla rebuked hypocritical homosexuals who “wouldn’t eat in a restaurant, but you would eat a stranger’s butt.”
She also targeted the science-defying straight guys saying, “Half the population hasn’t been vaccinated and I don’t mean to offend you straight guys, but this time it’s YOU. (One of the best things about Ptown is that, like John Waters’ world, it turns things around and puts gays on top and straight guys on the spot. It’s very refreshing and true.) There was fun video edits and Varla then gave us her version of “Under The Sea”, on the dangerous beach of Herring Cove nearby. (“Under the seaweed, someone just pee….”)
Little Prick made me hard. And by the way, Varla said she was married to Crown & Anchor’s security chief and they live in Fort Lauderdale, which makes her “totally available!”
ANITA COCKTAIL
Glamorous Anita animates the hectic Anita Cocktail Variety Hour at Post Office Cabaret and the night I attended I fell in love with her and all the other drag performers: the cheeky Jacqueline DiMera, the fierce LaDiva Jonz and naughty Haley Star, all kicking their asses with the group number, “I’m a woman (WOMAN)”. Best of all, Anita ended the party with a beautifully sung “I Love You Honestly” (unsynchronized on the lips). Backatcha, ma’am.
SHOWS
Ptown legend Ryan Landry (Gold Dust Orphans) presents this weekly talent competition, which on August 9 drew favorites like Barbra singer Joanna James and guest stars like the Unitard humorous trio. I did my naughty version of “Something Stupid” (“But then you’re gonna ruin everything by eating something stupid like my asshole”) and I’m sure the only reason I didn’t win the big prize was that I was absent from the competition! Right? Either way, a little girl with a loud voice won. Kudos to her and thank goodness she didn’t hear my performance.
Bobby wetherbee
At the Crown & Anchor piano bar [which is now al fresco], indefatigable player / singer Bobby Wetherbee was on fire with brave renditions of standards, which he playfully speeded up and slowed down at will. “I’m not supposed to like Andrew Lloyd Webber,” exulted Wetherbee at one point. “But I’m 79 and I don’t care!”
I also met Broadway star Raul Esparza, who had invited along with Kristin Chenoweth on “Defying Gravity” at the Kristin’s Town Hall show the night before. And it’s as Provincetown as it gets.
I am now back in New York, on the ground and wiping myself off.
